The Importance of Having a Merciful Soul



Elder Porphyrios (February 7, 1906 - December 2, 1991)



The following is from one of my favorite books of all times, Wounded by Love:  The Life and the Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios (pgs. 213-214).  This section is entitled 'The noise of murmurings shall not be hidden' which are words spoken by the Wise King Solomon. The Elder's reflection is on the necessity of having a merciful soul.  This marvelous book can be purchased here from Uncut Mountain Supply. 

Within us there is a part of the soul called the 'moralist'.  This 'moralist', when it sees someone going astray, is roused to indignation, even though very often the person who judges has strayed in the same way.  He does not, however, take this as an occasion to condemn himself, but the other person.  This is not what God wants.  Christ [through St. Paul] says in the Gospel:  You, then, that teach others, will you not teach yourself?  While you preach against stealing, do you steal? Romans 2:21 It may be that we do not steal, but we commit murder;  we reproach the other person and not ourselves.  We say, for example: 'You should have done that and you didn't do it.  So see now what's happened to you!'  When we think of evil, then it can actually happen.  In a mysterious and hidden manner we diminish the power of the other person to move towards what is good, and we do him harm.  We can become the occasion for him to fall ill, to lose his job or his property.  In this way we do harm, not only to our neighbor, but also to ourselves, because we distance ourselves from the grace of God.  And then we pray and our prayers are not heard.  We 'ask and not receive'. James 4:3 Why?  Have we ever thought of this? 'Because we ask wrongly.' James 4:3  We need to find a way to heal the tendency within us to feel and think evil of others.

It's possible for someone to say, 'The way that person is behaving, he will be punished by God,' and to believe that he is saying this without evil intent.  It is not a simple thing, however, to discern whether he had or does not have evil intent.  It does not appear clearly.  What is hidden in our soul and how that can exercise influence on people is a very secret matter.

The same is not true if we say with a sense of awe that another person is not living well and that we should pray to God to help him and grant him repentance;  that is, neither do we say, nor deep down do we desire that God will punish him for what he does.  In this case not only do we not do harm to our neighbor, but we do him good.  When someone prays for his neighbor, a good force proceeds from him and heals, strengthens and revives him.  It is a mystery how this force leaves us.  But, in truth, the person who has good within him radiates this good power to others, mystically and gently.  He sends light to his neighbor and this creates a shield around him and protects him from evil.  When we possess a good disposition towards others and pray, then we heal our fellows and we help them progress towards God.

There is an invisible life, the life of the soul.  This is very powerful and can have effect on the other, even if we are miles apart.  This also happens with the curse, which is power that works evil.  But if, conversely, we pray with love for someone, whatever the distance that separates us, the good is transmitted.  So distances do not affect the power of good and evil.  We can transmit these across boundless distances.  Solomon the Wise [King Solomon] says this very thing: 'The noise of murmurings shall not be hidden.'  Wisdom of Solomon 1:10  The noise of our soul is transmitted mysteriously and affects the other, even if we don't say a word.  Even without speaking we can transmit good or evil, irrespective of the distance which separates us from our neighbor.  What is not expressed generally has greater power than words.

Merciful Counsels from St. John of Kronstadt

The following quotes are from the book Father John of Kronstadt:  Spiritual Counsels, which is a collection of excerpts from a larger book from Fr. John, My Life in Christ.  Father John (1829-1908) was a humble but yet quite charismatic pastor.  A married parish priest assigned to the cathedral in the Russian naval port of Kronstadt, Fr. John's simple down-to-earth counsels drew thousands of people to wherever he happened to be.  I can remember reading a booklet on his life once and thinking that Fr. John drew crowds of people like a celebrity would today.  However, unlike a modern celebrity, Fr. John was mobbed  because the people were drawn to the love and compassion he so naturally exuded.  His spiritual counsels brought mental, physical and spiritual healing.  To quote St. Seraphim of Sarov "acquire a peaceful spirit, and around you thousands will be saved."  This is precisely what Fr. John had done.

From the chapter entitled "Our Attitude to the Sins of Others", here is just a small sampling of what Fr. John has to say:

You are angry with your neighbour, and say of him that he has done this or that, and so on.  What business of yours is it?  He sins against God, not against you.  God is his judge, not you, and to God he shall give an account, not to you.  Know how sinful you are yourself, how difficult it is for you to master your own sins, and to get the better of them, how afflicted you are by them, how they have ensnared you, how you wish indulgence from others.  Your brother is a man like unto you; therefore you must be indulgent to him, as to a sinful man similar in all things to you, as infirm as you.  Love him, then, as yourself:  These things I command you, that ye love one another.

He who does any evil, who gratifies any passion, is punished enough by the evil he has committed, by the vice he has served, and above all by the fact that he withdraws himself from God, and God withdraws himself from him - it would therefore be insane, and inhuman, to nourish anger against such a man; one might as well drown a man who is already sinking, or push into the fire one who is already burning.  To such a man, as to one in danger of perishing, we must show more love than ever, and pray fervently for him, not judging him, nor rejoicing at his misfortune.

Do not be irritated with those who sin; do not develop a habit of noticing every sin in others, and judging them, as we are so inclined to do.  Everyone shall give an answer to God for himself.  Correct your own sins; and amend your own heart.

This book can be purchased here at St. Vladimir's Seminary Press.

Mercy spoken by Solomon, expounded by a Saint

Kings David and Solomon by the hand of Nicholas Papas.  This icon can be purchased here at Come and See Icons.

 Rejoice not when your enemy falls; and when he stumbles, let not your heart exult.  Proverbs 24:17

He is a man; do not rejoice in his fall. He is your brother; let not your heart leap for joy when he stumbles.  God created him for life, and God does not rejoice in his fall.  And you also, do not rejoice at that which grieves God.  When a man falls, God loses; do you rejoice in the loss of your Creator, of your Parent?  When the angels weep, do you rejoice?

When your enemy falls, pray to God for him, that God will save him; and give thanks to God that you did not fall in the same manner.  You are of the same material, both you and he, like two vessels from the hand of the potter.  If one vessel breaks, should the other one smile and rejoice?  Behold, the small stone that broke the vessel only waits for someone's hand to raise it to destroy this vessel also.  Both vessels are of the same material, and a small stone can destroy a hundred vessels.

When one sheep is lost, should the rest of the flock rejoice?  No, they should not.  For behold, the shepherd leaves his flock and, being concerned, goes to seek the lost sheep.  The shepherd's loss is the flock's loss too.  Therefore, do not rejoice when your enemy falls, for your Shepherd and his Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, does not rejoice in his fall.

O Lord Jesus Christ, Thou Good Shepherd, remove malicious joy from our hearts, and in its place plant compassion and brotherly love.

To Thee be glory and praise forever.  Amen.

St. Nicholai Velimirovic, The Prologue of Ohrid, pg. 621

Mercy as defined by the All-Merciful Lord

The icon is named "Jesus Christ the All Merciful Lord" and can be purchased here at Come and See Icons.



 From today until the Feast of the Nativity, Christmas, all posts will be reflections on mercy.

The first is from Jesus Christ Himself recorded by St. Luke, a physician by profession, and a Gentile by birth from Antioch.

From Luke 6: 27-37:

27 But I say to you who hear:  Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28 Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you,
29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also.  And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either.
30 Give to everyone who asks of you.  And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.
31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.
33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.
34 And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back
35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will great, and you will be sons of the Most High.  For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.
36 Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

37 Judge not, and you shall not be judged.  Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

May we always remember to ask God to help us to carry out this nearly impossible request.   
 

Final thoughts on feminism or whatever this has morphed into...

Before I write this last post on feminism or whatever else it has morphed into at this point, I just want to say this.

These posts, the last one especially, have been about how our culture, through sex, has managed to distort
how women should view themselves in terms of their worth.  And although I used unmarried girls as examples, this idea extends to all women, married or not. Wrong thought patterns don't end with a wedding ring. 

Additionally, I know the Orthodox Church's stance about sex outside of marriage.  However, these posts were not meant to talk about the Church's beliefs, but more about how women are being taught to view themselves in western culture.  The Orthodox Church does not teach women that their self-worth is based on how sexy they are. And, if you can recall the first post, I mentioned how the Church holds women in extremely high regard.  It is world that does not.  Most of us live in the world and not in a self-contained monastery.  I can walk into my local grocer and see a stand-up cardboard cut-out of a nearly naked young woman greeting me by the check-out.  She has a six pack in one hand while the other grasps the string of her swimsuit bottoms.  Oh, so just turn my head the other way you say?  Okay, I've turned my head and now I see a stack of magazines promising me "101 Ways To Be Sexy Well Into My 50's" staring right back at me.  Okay, then look ahead.  Alrighty, I'm looking ahead and in front of me is a painfully thin 60 year old woman in "skinny" jeans with just slightly less plastic to her than a Barbie doll.  It's unavoidable.

And lastly, I don't think I'm wrong in assuming that most mothers, whether Muslim, Jewish, Christian or atheist/agnostic want "good" things for their daughters.  They have hopes of raising happy and loving young women.  However, as we cannot meet in the religious forum to discuss this, we must meet in the secular one and call out the lies that has the potential to ruin our daughter's lives.  It was from this point of view that I wrote the last post. I don't think I said anything un-Orthodox, but it certainly did not have a religious "flair" to it if you will that most of my blog posts have. Truth be told, the initial idea for this topic came from an agnostic mother.  We both love our girls and expressed our terror of this demented world that they face.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

So what to do?  I have a few ideas, although I am certainly open to others.

1 - The obvious. Always reassure our daughters of our love for them.  Their worth to us is obviously not based on sexiness, but it also is not based on academic, athletic or musical ability either.  My eldest plays on a competitive sports team.  Although she may be disappointed in her performance certain days, and I will agree with her that she has the ability to play better, I never ever compare her to other players or withhold love from her as a method to perform better.  Maybe that works for some parents, but not for me.

2 - The idea of self-awareness (which I think I meant to say instead of self-control).   It seems to me that too many people (male & female) just float at the surface of life.  They indulge every whim that their body tells them to do without being aware of how it affects both themselves and others.  Be conscious.  Be aware. Don't give into every craving you have...be it food, sex or whatever.  You have much more power over yourself than you realize.   

3 - Don't lie to yourself and be realistic.  It's okay to have dreams and plans, but it's also okay to change course.  If you are having a hard time balancing a career and children, it is not a disappointment to anyone that you stop working, or work less and spend more time with your family.  You are no less of a woman if you decide to do this despite what some "feminists" may say.  I read an article* a few weeks ago where the editor-in-chief of More magazine, Lesley Jane Seymour, suggested that women need to "...suck it up for the sisters, girlfriend" and try for higher-paying, more stressful jobs in the workplace.  You don't answer to Ms. Seymour or any other "expert".   "They" are not there for you when you have to miss another chorus recital, wipe away a child's tear because of hurt feelings or clean up throw up at 4:30 in the morning because your child has just gotten sick all over the bathroom and now you are completely stressed because you have to give a presentation at 8 am.  I'm not saying that women cannot work outside the home and still be good mothers.  My point is that you should not feel like you "have" to live up to expectations set by other people, especially people you don't even know. 

*(This article was published in the 11/2/11 Arizona Republic, section CL, page 1, sourced from Gannett news service.  I've tried to find the online version, but only came up with one that not surprisingly omitted the "suck it up" comment.  Most of the article is found here. It's a good read. ) 


Again, I apologize if these string of posts weren't religious or offered an Orthodox Christian response to modern day feminism.  I'm sure someone much smarter than myself has written something on the topic, but for now, all I can offer are the things that I have discovered to be true or untrue.  It really turned out to be more of a public lament more than anything else I guess.

Okay, well now in the Orthodox Church we are heading towards the Feast of the Nativity, aka Christmas.  The Nativity Fast starts today actually.  From here until the feast, the topic will be mercy.  I love mercy.  My favorite Old Testament story, the story of Joseph and his brothers, and my favorite parables in the New Testament either center around mercy or somehow allude to its importance.

...Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy....

See you soon...

It's a sexy sexy world

It is no revelation that women today are objectified more as sexual beings than human beings and that our current culture  is a strongly sexualized one.  Everything is sexy.  People and every single piece of their bodies can be sexy, clothes can be sexy, shoes can be sexy, cars can be sexy...I even read in the sports section a month or so ago about a sloppy victory by a team as not being a sexy win.  You cannot open a magazine/newspaper, go to the grocery store or even turn on a G-rated kids television show (I have heard it on Good Luck Charlie) where there isn't some sort of sexual content hinted at or stated outright.  Women have plastic surgery to attempt to look younger and more attractive (attractive meaning sexually attractive obviously.  What else are you trying to attract?  Bees?  Metal objects?) and to "feel better about themselves".  Our whole idea of worth has become centered around how well a woman can attract and then manipulate others with their appearance.  And although this isn't new, prostitution is called the world's oldest profession, our culture today is so blatantly sexual, there is no way of avoiding it even if you wanted to.

I'm not denying that we are sexual beings.  Of course we are.  I wouldn't be here if there had not been generations of people having sex.  Sex is part of being a member of the human race, but we have given it WAY too much power in the role that it plays in society.  And I have an extremely difficult time in understanding how this sexualization of society has benefited women in even the slightest manner.   Diseases and unplanned pregnancies don't sound like freedom to me.  And although people can point to vaccines, safe sexual practices, and birth control to avoid such things, none of it is 100% effective. And most importantly, we forget that there is a human being with a heart, a soul, and feelings attached to all of this. Women can and are left feeling empty, hurt and at times, suicidal when trying to live out this promised bliss of sexual freedom that is so heavily promoted in our culture.  It is not unheard of a girl committing suicide after naked pictures of her are forwarded around her school.  I am no expert on the history of the women's rights movement in America, but I can guarantee you the women weren't picketing the streets so one day girls would have the opportunity to text naked pictures of themselves to boys. This is not empowering, it's insanity.

I just finished reading a book called Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity by Kerry Cohen.  The author relays story after story of young women who have led promiscuous lives in order to find their self-worth.  I don't condemn any of these young women.  In fact, my heart hurts for them.  They were duped by our over-sexualized culture into thinking that their worth was dependant on how much they were desired by boys/men.  Here are some quotes from the book from the girls:

As years went by sex became exactly what I wished to win, because it told me that I was valuable and beautiful, and those things were important to me. (pg.25)

and this

When we broke up, I slept with guy after guy to fill the emptiness that I felt.  I started cutting and became addicted to drugs.  I became known as either "That Girl That Cuts" or "That Slut". (pg.99)

and this

I have a Pavlov's dog-reaction to the sound of a text coming in.  I immediately think, "Could it be someone who wants me?" (pg.135)

Doesn't sound like good times to me.  This book was a pretty interesting read, and although I did not agree with the author's hopes for the future which wishes for casual sex without the emotional strings attached, it was brutally honest about what is really going on in the lives of young women today.   She had this to say which is spot on:

A huge part of being a loose girl is believing in a fantasy, and that fantasy is of course not factual.  We have been handed the lie about men by our media and culture. A boy will make you worth something.  A boy's loving you means you matter in the world. We've bought the idea entirely...(pg. 170) 

Now certainly, not every woman's story is like the ones mentioned above, but the fact remains that there are some that are. They have become collateral damage in this sexual revolution that is grounded in fantasy and not reality.   There are real consequences to this sexy world we live in.  And more often than not, the consequences have to be handled by a woman, alone.   Notice the MTV reality show about teen pregnancy is aptly named "Teen Mom" and not "Teen Parents".
 

As I mentioned in a prior post, I have two daughters of my own.  My daunting job is to now somehow convince them that despite whatever is being marketed by our culture at every waking moment about their self-worth is false.  It's an uphill battle for sure.  However, allowing them to figure it out entirely for themselves and giving them the power to do whatever "feels right" to them is not the answer.  When we get drunk our judgement is impaired and we honestly believe that we are okay to drive, but an outside observer will tell you otherwise.  I have to be that sober outside observer for everything for my children. But in order to do that, I have to be sober myself.  Screaming "Don't do it! Don't do it! God hates fornicators! You'll go to hell!" is not sober.  I think that the only way to counter our present enslaving culture is to expose the illusion in an un-fanatical and completely honest manner and through my own actions show that the only way to truly be free in any aspect of life, is through self-control. 

Self-control, the purported archenemy of freedom...next topic.

 
 

 

Undefining Feminism

Okay, I've had a while to think some of this through.  Actually a few nights ago I woke up at 3 am and had my thoughts all sorted out. However, I kept arguing with myself that I shouldn't get up and write them down because I needed to get back to sleep. I had promised the kids that we would go to the zoo that day and I wanted to be well rested for the outing.  And sure enough, here I am grasping for those cohesive thoughts.

Having said this, I can remember one thing that I was going to say, so maybe I can start and then (hopefully) things will work themselves out.  So, here it goes.

I came to the conclusion that there is no way to define a feminist or a woman and that the popular idea of "defining oneself" is a false one. There are people who feel the need to say they are X, Y or Z. No you're not. You are a human being who likes X, or is Y by birth or Z by deliberate choice because you despise Y but ultimately you are not any of those things.  You are someone, not a list of adjectives whose definitions can be blurred or misunderstood.

Secondly, what I thought it meant to be a woman 20 years ago at the age of 21 is drastically different from what I know it to be now at the age of 41.  So what a 21 year old believes with her limited life experience and a what 41 year old believes with 20 additional years can and should be worlds apart.  There comes a point when one must take off their rose colored glasses instead of upping the prescription.  I think I reached that somewhere in my late 30's. 

And lastly, which sort of ties in with the second point, there seems to already exist certain conditions that one must meet in order to be regarded as a "feminist".  For the same reason I am a registered Independent when it comes to voting, I refuse to be categorized within the constructs of what society has predetermined to a feminist.  I hold certain beliefs  because I have either experienced something personally and know it to be true or have been close to people who have experienced something that really blew away my preconceived notions of what I had thought to be true.  That is what life is about and why we should always be free to change our minds without fear of being called a hypocrite.

With this in mind it is imperative that we avoid demeaning or belittling women whose actions appear contrary to our belief system. We have no idea what it is like to be them.  I am not suggesting that we sit by idly and watch someone self-destruct through addiction or that we not teach our children from our own mistakes.  Nor am I saying we should keep our opinions to ourselves.  There is always room for honest discussion and debate if people are willing to listen and not judge.  But once we start name-calling and casting people into hell, we destroy each other.  One of my biggest pet peeves EVER is when someone I don't know well (or at all!) says to me "You shouldn't feel that way about such-and-such. How can you believe such a thing!"  How do you know how I should feel?  Do you know how I arrived at this juncture and all the extenuating circumstances?  Unless it someone close to the situation that can provide an honest perspective, no celebrity or public figure has the right to assert that my beliefs or feelings about something should be one way or another.   And quite frankly, we shouldn't be turning to pop culture for any sort of advice about anything.  Unfortunately that is all we have and it is in our face.  That's what's next.  The fantasy created by our culture and how it further enslaves women. 

See you soon!