A Missing Generation in Orthodox America - Concluding Thoughts

 

That last post didn't complete my story.  I didn't suddenly become holy or righteous or perfect or so happy or whatever people assume happens next.  What did happen was healing.  And I can't really explain how it happened or give you a timetable, but with my return to the Church and intentional and conscious participation in the Church's mysteries, I am healing, I am being saved.  That is salvation.    

As an aside, I haven't received any psychological counseling (which there is nothing wrong with by the way).  I don't take medications, I don't do drugs nor do I drink regularly (except for an occasional glass or two of wine).  I'm not exceedingly wealthy without financial cares.  I say this so that you can understand that there isn't any other explanation for this transformation of the damaged young woman that I once was.  The insane crippling anxiety diminished considerably after my first honest confession. It was and remains a mystery. And while it is unexplainable, I know nothing to be truer. As God as my witness, I'm not lying about this.  He was there, He knows.  And the most astonishing part about this was that I did not expect it to happen.  I didn't walk into that Church knowing that this would be the result.  But it was.  I could breathe. It was God's Grace and it was physically and emotionally perceptible to me. Intangible but tangible at the same time.  It was a gift that I didn't expect much less deserve and it taught me volumes about the love of God.  And as I continue to live within the bosom of the Church, the healing continues. It's not over by any stretch.  

And so my dear readers, if you are estranged from the Church, be a stranger no more. If you are considering entering Orthodoxy from another tradition, you too can be a partaker of this Inexhaustible Cup.  Taste and see that the Lord is good. I was the prodigal daughter and He didn't turn me away.  Instead He waited for me to come home and ran to embrace me.  I swear to you, I'm not making this up and He waits for you too.  Jesus Christ is the Truth and the Truth will set you free.  He did for me.  

   

 

A Missing Generation in Orthodox Christian America - The Return

 

I am a quiet person by nature.  I don't like to speak up in large groups and, for a variety of reasons, I am apprehensive to ask for assistance.  I know some it has to do with the fear of being rejected, and some of it has to do with the fear of being mocked for even asking the question and, truth be told, some of it has to do with flat out pride, as in "I don't need anyone's help".  As I've aged I have made some progress in this area, Glory to God. So for me to reach out to a priest I don't know other than through a person that I happened to randomly meet was a HUGE deal. 

I'll have you know dear reader that I did not immediately call Fr. Gabriel.  The encounter at the lab was in late October of 2002 and I didn't reach out to him until January of 2003.  My anxiety and fear of what he would say to me held me back.  I was terrified of priests.  Growing up, the two priests that I had the most interaction with had been very strict and at least in my recollection as a child, were not forgiving or understanding people.  Whether in reality this was true, I can't tell you for sure, however those were my perceptions.  I hold no ill will towards either of them at all, and as an adult I can understand why they were the way they were.  I pray for both of them daily and I think we oftentimes forget that the clergy are human beings.  They aren't perfect, and especially when you add the additional responsibility of being married with children, I can't even begin to imagine the burdens that they must carry. 

So, it took me about 3 months to muster up the courage to call Fr. Gabriel and set up an appointment to talk with him, but I did it. 

Fr. Gabriel was a small man with a kind presence. He was an unmarried priest-monk without any airs of superiority who simply sat and listened. Not wanting to freak the guy out, I was extremely hesitant to tell him much about my past other that the basics of where I was from, my marital status etc., nothing too personal at all.  I explained that although I had been raised Orthodox, other than what I've learned from reading a few books, I didn't understand much. Fr. Gabriel simply sat and listened and nodded while I spoke.  Finally, when I was done, he began to speak.  He told me how good it was that I came to see him and that the things that I told him were very common to many people my age. He gave me a prayer book to borrow until I bought my own and he told me to come back and we could talk some more. No judging, no condescension, no lecture. 

You'd think after this first meeting that I would have immediately started going to services, but I didn't.  It wasn't until I had spoken to Fr. Gabriel once or twice more that I finally mustered up the courage to go. I really did not want to talk to other people at the church.  I wanted to be left alone to figure some things out and I didn't want to have to explain to other people why I hadn't been going to church for all of those years.  My first conscious and deliberate return date to the Church was February 23, 2003.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, that was also the Sunday of the Prodigal Son. And, about one month later, I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, right around the time of the Feast of the Annunciation.  

There is still more to say about this which will be done in one final post later this week.

  

The Crossroads of AD and BC

An ancient temple dedicated to Zeus located in modern day Turkey

I teach 6th grade, all subjects.  While it is a monumental amount of work, I love every moment of it and wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China.

Sixth grade Social Studies standards cover the major ancient civilizations and while they are all truly astounding, Ancient Mesopotamia and Ancient Greece are the two that stand out as the most fun and engaging to teach.  Ancient Rome is a close third because 12 year-olds love volcanoes and gladiators and Ancient Rome definitely has both.

I will readily admit that I knew pretty much zero about Ancient Mesopotamia and maybe close to zero about Ancient Greece when I started teaching.  At no time of my academic development do I ever remember learning about ancient civilizations so this was relatively new to me.  As I started to learn about these times and places while organizing lessons, a huge connection to my life as a Christian manifested.  Once you learn about these real historical people and places, the Old and Testament fall into place and a whole new level of understanding arises.  

The following passage takes place in what is now modern day Turkey apparently close to a temple dedicated to the Greek god, Zeus. St. Paul and St. Barnabas are out healing the sick while evangelizing and people freak out and think St. Barnabas is Zeus incarnate and St. Paul is Hermes because of his eloquence.  Here it is from Acts 14:6-18:

⁶ they learned of it and fled to Lystra and Derbe, cities of Lycao′nia, and to the surrounding country;
⁷ and there they preached the gospel.
⁸ Now at Lystra there was a man sitting, who could not use his feet; he was a cripple from birth, who had never walked.
⁹ He listened to Paul speaking; and Paul, looking intently at him and seeing that he had faith to be made well,
¹⁰ said in a loud voice, “Stand upright on your feet.” And he sprang up and walked.
¹¹ And when the crowds saw what Paul had done, they lifted up their voices, saying in Lycao′nian, “The gods have come down to us in the likeness of men!”
¹² Barnabas they called Zeus, and Paul, because he was the chief speaker, they called Hermes.
¹³ And the priest of Zeus, whose temple was in front of the city, brought oxen and garlands to the gates and wanted to offer sacrifice with the people.
¹⁴ But when the apostles Barnabas and Paul heard of it, they tore their garments and rushed out among the multitude, crying,
¹⁵ “Men, why are you doing this? We also are men, of like nature with you, and bring you good news, that you should turn from these vain things to a living God who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and all that is in them.
¹⁶ In past generations he allowed all the nations to walk in their own ways;
¹⁷ yet he did not leave himself without witness, for he did good and gave you from heaven rains and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness.”
¹⁸ With these words they scarcely restrained the people from offering sacrifice to them.

There is just so much here to think about.  It's the cultural crossroads of BC and AD.  Also, the deep humility of the apostles as they lose their minds when people try to worship them. For me though, what I especially hold onto are verses 16-17.  God had done good to these people even when they lived in darkness as those outside of His chosen people of Ancient Israel.  But now was the time for the ultimate revelation to ALL people.  And that revelation is Jesus Christ, the true incarnate God, the lover of all mankind.

Christ is Risen!

Cleaning up 2012

I've got two things to wrap up from 2012...so here it goes:

1 - The last time we met I posted about my grandmother's departure from this life to the next.  Her funeral was a beautiful occasion and when you compare it to those outside of Orthodoxy, there simply is nothing to compare.  If you have the inkling to do so, I suggest you find the service online and read through it. An Orthodox Christian's death is a feast of love.  I walked away from my grandmother's funeral with a refreshing perspective on death.  It "reminded" me how much I am loved from birth to death by not only God and my immediate family, but also by the entire Church, both triumphant and militant.  And it wasn't a mental reminder either. It was more like a transformation that didn't come from rational thinking like "Be happy!  She's in a better place and I can go there too!"  It is something much more sublime and indescribable.  Sort of how you really can't describe that state of being after the Orthodox Paschal (Easter) service.  Actually I feel it more acutely on Bright Monday after I have finished cooking/cleaning and had some sleep.  The world is illumined and you feel exceedingly hopeful in all things and the boundaries between heaven and earth seemingly don't exist.  Blessed are those who have attained the ability to walk around this world perpetually in this state!  

And then there is this:

2 - Prior to that post about my grandmother's death, I had been giving my own thoughts on Markides' book, The Mountain of Silence.  All in all, I liked the book and found it to be edifying and you can read through the comments for a little more discussion between myself and an anonymous poster.  I don't think I'm going to comment anymore on his books only to say that I quite liked his latest, Inner River: A Pilgrimage to the Heart of Christian Spirituality, especially Fr. Maximos' conversation about the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).  His teaching was that these fruits were listed in a hierarchical order and that without the one listed last, self-control, that the others are not truly attainable.  I suppose that is why the Church has such an emphasis (almost daily) on fasting, the tool to self-control when practiced correctly.   Obviously the book goes into more more depth than my two sentence synopsis.  There is also a chapter on Markides' journey to St. Katherine's Monastery at the foot Mount Sinai in Egypt.  As someone who has very little chance of visiting the Sinai desert, I rather enjoyed that chapter. To wrap it up, like I wrote in my prior post, not everyone likes Markides' books.  For me, however, the first book really had a positive effect on my life and perhaps that's why I have enjoyed the two that followed.     


So now what's in store for 2013 for Desert Deliberations?  I don't know really.  Maybe just random ramblings that I come across.  I did just read a lovely little book called Crazy John, which recounts the life a modern day Fool-for-Christ in Greece.  It can be purchased here through St. Barbara's Monastery bookstore. 
Here's an excerpt:

 

In this particular neighborhood that may not differ from all others, not even from our own--whether we live in the city or in a village-- the foolishness of a single person, a model of Jesus Christ, was enough to provoke a pleasant revolution. It is pleasant because it is unique, one of a kind, a novelty through time. This revolution breaks the demonic bonds of souls admittedly captured and attached to ephemeral and inferior things. It restores them to the frequency of heaven and to the invigorating, salutary, doxological pulses of the Holy Trinity. It attires them with the sense of the Greek "philotimo" and unselfishness, honesty and purity, patience and perseverance, sacrifice and love, humility and repentance. It is only with this attire that the soul can attend the unceasing everyday table, which God gives us bounteously.
 

It's a refreshing read for sure.

Wishing you all a marvelous New Year that brings transformations that you never thought possible!


 

A brief interruption on the Markides' postings

On the side bar over there on the right under "Places to Visit" is a link to the Orthodox Christian Quote of the Day. I rather enjoy it and some days it's seems to be just the right medicine for whatever I'm struggling with.

Today's quote comes from one of my all-time favorite saints, St. Seraphim of Sarov. I am dealing with some people that are being malicious and hurtful and hence making them quite unlovable. Thank you St. Seraphim for your wisdom. God-willing we shall meet someday. (and thank you to Adam who faithfully emails these out every day)

God is a fire that warms and kindles the heart and inward parts. Hence, if we feel in our hearts the cold which comes from the devil - for the devil is cold - let us call on the Lord. He will come to warm our hearts with perfect love, not only for Him but also for our neighbor, and the cold of him who hates the good will flee before the heat of His countenance

It's not easy but I'm gonna try.

Death, post 5, Death and Mercy

This is the last post on death for the time being.  I have not been exhaustive on the topic by any stretch of the imagination.  As I mentioned in the first few posts there are many different facets to the topic, and I ended up approaching death by explaining what it means as an Orthodox Christian to be "dead to the world" and to live one's life with the end in mind, and the remembrance of death is the vital means to this end.  I gave both the ordinary example of my simple grandfather who lived as a layman (a carpenter by trade) and the extraordinary example of St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco.


Some people may make the argument that living your life with the end in mind is depressing and robs you of everyday joy.  An atheist that does not believe in an afterlife or a Christian that believes that they are already "saved" and hence somehow will avoid judgment may say this I suppose.  But to those of us that believe that our actions (or inactions) actually have eternal consequences, remembering that our lives can end at any given moment (google September 11, 2001 for details) should keep us in check.  Living a self-examined life and continually confessing and changing those areas that fall short of what God asks from us is really the only way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable judgment.  However, the more and more we tie ourselves up with unnecessary cares of this world, the more and more impossible this becomes.  Being dead to the world doesn't mean ignoring all other people and focusing on yourself.  It is forgetting about your own needs, and focusing on the needs of other people.  And what do people need?  The obvious answer is, they need our love, and they need it unconditionally, regardless of whether they believe in our religious or political ideas.  And, I think, that the most important aspect of this love, is mercy and not judgment. 

Fr. Gabriel Cooke of blessed memory once relayed the following story to us one Sunday.  I think this really underscores the Orthodox Christian world view.

Fr. Gabriel had been invited to a pan-Christian event of the greater Phoenix metro area.  Leaders of various Christian denominations gathered together for a general discussion of ideas and the topic of what was to be hoped for at the Last Judgment came up.  One pastor stood up and proclaimed "Justice!  I want justice to be done!"  This announcement brought up great applause and agreement.  After a minute or two, things settled down and Fr. Gabriel stood up and replied "Justice?  Really?  My hope is in mercy.  I will need mercy from God, because it will be in His mercy that I will be saved."  No grand applause for this comment.

Realizing that we are all in need of mercy levels the playing field.  It deflates the ego and self-righteousness dissipates.  However if we occupy ourselves with judging others, with obtaining more and more stuff, or with zombifying our souls with entertainment, there is no time in our self-absorbed lives to give thought to another person. It's a very hard thing and life long struggle to be sure, but this being "dead to the world" is the only way.

Here's a quote from St. Innocent of Alaska, another Orthodox saint of North America.  I highly recommend his biography, St. Innocent, Apostle to America, it reads like a page turning adventure novel. The courage, the determination and above all, the love St. Innocent had for God and His children is almost beyond belief.  Anyhow, St. Innocent said the following: 

 

To deny oneself means to give up one's bad habits; to root out of the heart all that ties us to the world; not to cherish bad thoughts and desires; to suppress every evil thought; to avoid occasions of sin; not to desire or to do anything out of self-love, but to do everything out of love for God. To deny oneself, according to St. Paul means "to be dead to sin. . . but alive to God."

or from Jesus Christ Himself in Matthew 25:31-46:

31 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’


37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’ (emphasis mine)

41 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” 

4th Century Preaching - Advice for Bullies

One of my all time favorite movie quotes comes from A Bronx Tale, a 1993 movie about a young boy who gets involved in the workings of the street life in the Bronx.  I don't remember too many details about the movie, except for this quote.

Is it better to be loved or feared? That's a good question. It's great to be both, but it's very difficult. But if I had my choice, I would rather be feared. Fear lasts longer than love.

Now this quote was from a mobster, not exactly a profession that touts virtuous behaviour, but I have noticed in my almost 41 years of life that this seems to be a common mode of existence for some people.  I've known bosses, neighbors, even "friends" that have embraced this modus operandi.  They would rather be feared than loved, so they bully and threaten which then forces you to walk on eggshells 24/7 hoping not to anger them.   Probably the worst situation for this is in a marriage.  Here's what St. John Chrysostom says in Excerpt 74 from On Living Simply:

Those who treat their servants harshly, instilling fear into them with angry words and threats, may succeed om compelling their servants to work hard; but servants feel no attachment to their masters, and at the first opportunity run away.  How much worse is it for a husband to use angry words and threats to his wife.  Yet many men frequently try to intimidate their wives.  They lift up their voices and shout; they demand instant compliance to their every whim; they even raise their arms to force their wives to submit.  Wives treated in this fashion become no more than sullen servants, acting as their husbands require out of cold fear.  Is this the kind of woman you want?  Does it really satisfy you to have a wife that is petrified of you?  Of course not.  Indulging your ill-temper at the expense of your wife may give some immediate relief to your emotions; but it brings no lasting joy or pleasure.  Yet if you treat your wife as a free woman, respecting her ideas and intuitions, and responding with warmth to her feelings and emotions, then your marriage shall be a limitless source of blessing to you.

You know, you read this and say to yourself...yeah he's right, but then you move onto other things and forget the words.  However, if this was spoken to you, with vocal inflections and facial expressions, how much more powerful are these words?  I wonder how many people stomped out of church after hearing this preached?  And I wonder how many women sighed with relief to know that their situation had not gone unnoticed and were reassured through St. John's words that God cares for their well-being?

Christmas: A Mystery Unfolding

Icon of the Nativity of Christ by the hand of Constantine Youssis.  This icon can be purchased here from Come and See Icons.

We find ourselves today celebrating the third day of the Feast of the Nativity.  It is a fast free week for Orthodox Christians in America and the feasting continues until Saturday when we celebrate another day, The Lord's Circumcision.  And then, 5 days later, we find ourselves celebrating AGAIN when we remember the Lord's baptism in the Jordan.   Orthodox Christians fast and pray like no others, but then they also celebrate like no others. 

However, even as we are in this time of feasting, it is also a time for continued reflection on what has just occurred. And what has occurred is a mystery.  I'm not just talking about a virgin giving birth, or an angel greeting the shepherds, or three wise astronomers acting in faith by following a star to the sight of a newborn baby in a manger.  These are wonders for sure, but the greater mystery is this:  Why?  Why would God, who doesn't "need" anything from anyone, especially from his created beings, do such a thing?  Why does God, who has always been, enter into human history, and while remaining God, take on human flesh? Why does Jesus Christ, Emmanuel (which translated means God-With-Us), the Divine Logos, the long awaited Messiah prophesied of again and again and again in the Old Covenant, [Isaiah 7:14 is just one example] the only begotten son, the second person of the Holy Trinity, deign to be born in a cave, amongst animals and lay in their food trough? 

The answer:  The Mystery of Love. 

It is this mystery that Christ's mother pondered [it] in her heart. [Luke 2:19].  I must say again, as I have said in another post, that I cannot even begin to imagine what the Virgin Mary, the Theotokos as we call her in our Church, must have been pondering, wondering, hoping.   To know all these tremendous things about the child you just bore and that it is your responsibility to raise Him!  It is for good reason that the Orthodox Church in every generation of its 2000 years has called her blessed. [Luke 1:48] 

And so dear readers, while we are still celebrating in these days, let us not forget the mystery that now rapidly begins to unfold before us, the mystery of the Incarnation of God.   As I heard one Orthodox Christian priest once say,  an Incarnate God is truly the only acceptable God.  A God that takes on our humanity, lives among us, is a suffering servant and ultimately dies a humiliating death, is the only God that can possibly make sense.  Otherwise, God is an uncaring, seemingly capricious tyrant.  I agree.

    “ Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

[Luke 2:14, read in context Luke 2:1-20]



  

No World Peace? It's probably my fault.

Okay I've written and rewritten this post quite a few times, so hopefully I've got it right.  Here I go.

Anyone who tells you that world peace is attainable in this life is, in my opinion, delusional.  Now I'm not saying that wanting world peace isn't a noble desire, but if we do a quick check of world history, there never has been a time in which this existed.  Wars, famine, heinous rulers have always been a part of the historical landscape.  Even in the Bible we find this from practically day one.

The famous first couple, Adam and Eve, after being banished from Paradise have two sons, Cain and Abel. And, before you know it, over the course of just a few verses, one kills the other. End of story, so much for world peace.  Here's the whole passage if you are interested Genesis 4:1-15.  

Hmmm, I just re-read that passage and something just jumped out at me which really better explains what I want to say (God beat me to the punch! Go figure.).  This is God talking to Cain right before he kills Abel.

4 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the LORD respected Abel and his offering, 5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell.
6 So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

So God right off the bat says, and I'm paraphrasing, "Hey, don't be mad. I saw your intentions, and they weren't good. Sin lies at the door of your heart and it wants to come in and rule you.  Don't let it."  Unfortunately, Cain didn't apply these words to himself, has a chat with his brother where his jealousy culminates and results in fratricide.  It is this very inability to manage our sinful inclinations that keeps us from achieving world peace, and it was there from the start.

Now I really didn't intend on this post being a bummer by calling everyone a sinner, but I think the point I'm trying to get to is that is we really want world peace, it has to start with ourselves first.   And honestly, it is so much more than "accepting" other people's lifestyles/religions/political views and not acting violently against them.  For while we may say one thing in public, oftentimes in our hearts, it is quite another story.

Using myself as an embarrassing example, I recently heard that someone who I don't particularly care for (I have judged their past actions as mean and uncaring) had something really terrific happen to them.  Outwardly I said "Oh, that's fabulous!" but inwardly I wasn't happy for them, and in fact, I was angry and jealous of their good fortune.  Ouch! Sounds like I have some resentment issues.  Remember this about love from St. Paul's famous 1 Corithians 13?:

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Yep, I pretty much did the exact opposite of all the things listed here. Conclusion:  I did not react in love and where there is no love, there is no peace. 
 
So, it seems to me that to have peace there is much more to it than not having wars or conflicts, it's an actual change where your first reaction to someone else's good fortune is genuine happiness without a hint of envy. Or in a negative situation, it is when someone slaps you on the cheek,  you don't hit back physically, or verbally or, most importantly, IN YOUR HEART.   Resentments can run very deep and will disturb your peace. 

So then, what is the answer?  How do we banish resentments and curtail the madness which adds to the existing chaos of the world and acquire genuine loving peace?   Well, as you can well imagine, I don't personally have the answers, see said example above.  However, I know some people who do.  Details to follow shortly.

Our part of the health equation

The last post clearly states God's role in helping us with our  health.  I can truthfully testify that God is first place I go when I need help.  HOWEVER, if you actually read my little blurb on salvation, there is another important factor in our health, and that is us.

I am responsible for me.  It's not that God can't do all the work, but what I have found is that He wants me to be part of the process as well.  I can't pray to lose weight yet refuse to monitor my caloric intake and ignore exercise.   I can't ask God to find me a job, yet refuse to take one that is offered to me that doesn't meet all "my" requirements.  I can't pray to God for a peaceful resolution to a conflict with a person, yet go around bad mouthing and re-telling people how I have been wronged by said person.  It's like this joke:

A man was standing on his front porch and his neighbor came by and told him that a flood was coming and that he had better evacuate.  The man replied, "No worries. God loves me and will save me."  Well, the flood came down his street and came up to the level of his porch.  A police officer then came down the street in a boat and said "Sir, the flood is only going to get worse, climb into the boat and we'll move to higher ground."  The man then answered back "No, that's okay, God loves me and will save me."  A few hours later, after the man had to move to the roof of his house because the flood waters had overtaken his home a helicopter hovers over the man and drops down a ladder to lift the man to safety.  Sure enough, the reply was the same, "No thanks.  God loves me and will save me."  Sadly, the flood waters rose so high that the man drowned.  The man is now in heaven and says to God "Where were You during my time of trouble?  I thought you loved me."  And then God calmly answers back "What are you talking about? I do love you. Don't you remember? I sent you your neighbor, a police officer and a helicopter."

Two lessons learned:

1. God provided for the man, but the man refused to take his help. 
2. Help = Love

Love can come from a variety of sources and but usually it is our pride that gets in the way of taking it.  And although pride is never really justified, it is understandable where it comes from.  If your whole life someone has been telling you that you are stupid or instilled some sort of irrational fear into you and then you finally resolve to undertake some sort of endeavor and this person wants to help you, you may become defensive and say "No!  I can do it myself, I don't need your help."  I am ashamed to admit this, but I can recall many times either saying or thinking this very thing. It's hard habit to break, especially if in the past people have offered their help and really they had ulterior motives the whole time.  Or if there was a person who you told you repeatedly that they loved you, but in the end you found yourself betrayed one way or another.  No one likes to set themselves up for heartache or hurt.  It's a tough spot for sure and defensive-ness is often the knee-jerk reaction to any future offers of help from other people.

So what exactly am I getting at here?  I guess that it is this. 

We HAVE to let others love us.  When we deny their love, we are ultimately denying God's love for us.  Yes, there are crummy people out there, wolves in sheep's clothing as they say.  But, there are also some very good people out there who legitimately want to love us and, whether they are conscious of it or not, they are expressing God's love for us through their actions.  These are the same people fulfilling the words that St. Paul says in his epistle to the Galatians: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2 We are denying these helpers/lovers the chance to fulfill the law of Christ, and that's not nice.  Not nice at all.

I know it's hard, and it's not something you can jump into all at once.  I take baby steps towards this.  If someone offers to open the door for me when my arms are full, I say yes.  If someone sees that I'm under the weather and offers to make dinner for my family, I say yes.  If someone notices that I am not my "normal self" and they ask me what's bothering me, I tell them and don't pretend everything is okay when it is not.  Now, obviously I use discretion and I don't blab out every single detail to every single person who asks because I also need to be mindful of what St. Paul says a teeny bit later "For each one shall bear his own load." Galatians 6:5.  Certainly measure the severity of your issue with the known severity of the one asking you the questions before you respond.  I heard a story of a priest and his wife who, while sitting and watching their very premature baby struggle for life in the NICU, had a woman come in and try to "help" by saying she knew how they felt because her dog had been really sick once.  While maybe this lady loved her dog as much as a child, comparing the two really wasn't the right thing to do in my opinion.  Perhaps the better response could have been "I know this is tough time for you.  Let me know what I can do to help." 

Well friends, I think I may have come full circle on this part of my ramblings on health.  Maybe for the balance of the month I'll post on things like healthy eating and the like.  I hope you enjoyed this.  I know I did.

143 My Friends!

Suffering - Part One - An Introduction of Sorts

I feel like I need to have a disclaimer at the beginning of each post on this topic.  I am not a doctor, I am not a "trained" theologian, I am not the wife of a priest/pastor, nor am I a professional journalist/writer.  I am a regular lay person.  As for educational credentials, I have a B.S. in Marketing from Penn State University. 

I started this blog because most Orthodox Christian blogs are written by those aforementioned people.  I'm just the lady standing in the pew on Sunday trying to focus on God but usually focusing on my mischievous 5 year old son who likes to poke his sisters in the butt while they are trying to focus on God.  Each Sunday is an adventure for sure.

For those of you not familiar with an Orthodox Christian worship service, it goes for about an hour and half and we are standing most of the time.  We love God in our Church and find worshipping Him to be a delight and not a forced obligation, hence the long service.  We stand because we believe that we are in the presence of God and do so out of respect.  What happens when the President of the United States enters a room?  Everyone stands up.  It's about respect.  Once you lose respect, it's all over with. 

Can you tell that I'm procrastinating? I should get an honorary degree in procrastination, I'm that good. It's just that suffering is such a deep and complex issue that I am terrified that I will end up making light of something very serious.  So, here I go.

I know suffering.  And if you are a human being with a heart and are completely honest with yourself, you know suffering too.  Some people suffer more acutely than others.  Some are born with debilitating diseases, some are born into truly destructive family situations, and some just acquire their sufferings measure by measure until the accumulation of those sufferings is so tremendous, so unbearable that it is physically and emotionally crippling. 

People want to know why they suffer.  They demand answers.  They are tormented in the still of the night when their thoughts won't leave them alone. Unanswered questions arise such as:

Why do I have this disease? 
Why did I lose my job and the bozo without a clue who sat next to me got to stay AND got a promotion?
Why did my mother/father neglect or abandon me?
Why is my child suffering?
Why did I grow up in a home with alcoholics?
Why did someone who told me they loved me ultimately betray me?
Why am I alone?
Why am I still reaping the negative effects of a bad decision I made 21 years ago?
Why did God, if He's so damn good, let this happen to me?

These can be soul crushing and painful questions.  Many people glibly respond by saying, "Your sufferings are God's perfect will, so just smile and carry on like nothing is wrong!"  Or this too: "You are being punished you filthy sinner that's why!"  I believe some of these people must be the same ones who worship the Big Bully Deity mentioned in an earlier post.  Whoever they are, those are not answers that a suffering person wants to hear.  It's mostly untrue, and completely insensitive.

So, what is at least the beginning of wisdom to answer these questions? Well, what I finally came to realize is that it actually does have to with God's will but not like I mentioned above. It also has to do with my free will, the neighbor's free will and the free will of the careless woman in her car with the name of her church plastered across the back who still does not know the pick up and drop off rules at school.

It is the Orthodox Christian teaching that God is Love. Jonah says it quite beautifully here  in the Old Testament, and the beloved disciple John says it here in his first epistle in the New Testament. God gives us the free will to love Him, love His Creation and love each other. There has to be free will in a true loving relationship, we are not robots.  God can't force us to do anything, nor does he want us to feel forced. He respects our free will and will not interfere (unless you allow for His interference of course). **addendum** Perhaps interference is a poor choice of words.  God is always with us, whether we ask Him to be or not.  He sees, He knows, He watches, He waits.  He allows us to make choices and allows us to make mistakes. 

Sadly, not everyone chooses this path of love and that's when crappy things happen. And since we live in this world with those who choose not to love me or you or the environment, we innocently bear the consequences of that decision by others.  "Other people" are not always to blame though.  We must take responsibility for our own actions, however our level of culpability  does vary greatly from person to person.

Again I really want you to hear this from a "professional" and I recommend the CD lectures by Fr. Tom Hopko that I mentioned in the prior posts.  He also has many lectures for free on Ancient Faith Radio.  His podcast is called "Speaking The Truth In Love".  They don't disappoint.  The direct link to his series of talks is found on AFR here.  

That's all I can muster for today friends.  I'm taking a few days off away from blogging. It has drained me a bit, plus my kids are on break and I need to spend time with them.  I'll be back next week for sure with more.  I don't know what exactly, only that I know that there is more.

Bad Health = Punishment from God?

I have to admit that I think I may have bitten more off than I can chew with this topic on health.  Quite frankly, I don't even know where to begin, so I'm plugging my nose and jumping right into the topic with this cannonball of a equation.  Does poor health = punishment from God?

The short answer, no.  The longer answer is, well, longer.

There is a common misconception in this world that God loves to punish people. The theory goes something like this:  God just sits around day and night waiting for us to screw up so he can zap us with some sort illness, bad turn of events or even just a crummy day.  He is wrathful tyrant with a massive chip on His holy shoulder who cannot wait to condemn all unbelievers, drinkers, smokers, homosexuals, adulterers and those of us who wear white after Labor Day. One way to appease this "God" is to feed Him with 10% of your gross income, and then He will dispense His good "favor" to you.  However, should you fall short, you had better watch the hell out because tragedy is on the way.  At 9.9%, it may only be a flat tire, however the closer you get to 0%, the closer you get to some debilitating disease or sudden tragic death (plane crash, wild boar attack, falling anvil from the sky).

This may sound funny, but turn on one of those "religious" goofballs on TV and this is pretty much the description you are going to get.  God will bless you with good health/good job/good sex if only you please Him, the Wrathful and Angry God. Those who propagate this sort of idea not only distort the image of the real God found in the Holy Scriptures, but also do one more thing.  They instill fear. When surveyed, 9 out of 10 historical despots will agree with me.  Want to control the people? Control them with fear.  Yes, the Scriptures say "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs 9:9-11), but this fear that the Scriptures speak of has nothing to do with God wanting to hurt us, but everything to do with drawing our attention to Him.  It is HE that is in ultimate control and not I.  I am not the center of the universe, God is.  Once I figure that out, then it is the beginning of wisdom.

Now, if you subscribe wholeheartedly to above Wrathful God business then maybe my blog isn't for you.  I understand.  It's a hard thought process to break, especially if you have been raised in the US.  Our so-called puritanical "Judeo-Christian" roots, complete with witch hunts, slavery and prohibition, still choke us today.  The notion of a loving and merciful God in this country has never existed at the popular level, just the Big Bully Deity.  If you don't want to agree with me, then perhaps the Prophet Jonah's testimony can sway you (see my post on Jonah here) as to how loving and merciful God truly is. 

I am not saying that sin is non-existent, and that there are no health/emotional consequences to sin.  There are negative effects for sure, but these are not punishments, but sometimes natural consequences to the unnatural, non-organic uses of our body. Example:  If you smoke a lot, you may have an increased risk of getting lung cancer.  The warning is right there on the box for crying out loud.  I realize this is quite simplistic and doesn't answer other deeper questions like "Why do innocent children suffer?".  For those answers, I need to bring in a professional.
 
So my dear readers without further ado, I present to you this:





Sin:  Primordial, Generational, Personal by Fr. Thomas Hopko, $16
Cover art of CD is Romanian folk art of St. George slaying the dragon (dragon = sin/evil/Satan).

 
Now, don't let the name scare you.  This lecture is not scary, too theological, or dry.  It is quite funny, easy to understand but most importantly, very enlightening and relevant to life in the 21st century.  Trust me people, I have listened to this over and over again.  I have to because it gives so much food for thought that I will think about something Fr. Tom has said and then not hear the next 5 minutes of his talk.  Fr. Tom's lecture gives the Orthodox Christian understanding of what sin is, where it comes from, who is to blame and what we can do about it.  If you hate love, then this ain't for you.  If you love light and truth (which are the verses right beyond John 3:16 which people seem to ignore John 3:16-21) then I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this for your listening pleasure.

Times are tough, I know.  This may not fit into your budget, so if you live locally and would like to listen, give me a ring and I will lend you my copy.  Or if you wish to purchase your own copy go here.  I just looked at it and for some reason the font in the description is all screwy.  No worries, I'm sure your order will be processed.  And by the way, I profit nothing from this.  I don't attend St. Vladimir's Seminary nor have any connection to them other than I purchase items from them and used to visit there when I was a child.

Okay, I've said a lot of stuff, maybe even stuff that makes you a little uncomfortable.  But before you start throwing other Scripture at me and cursing me out, give me the balance of the month to explain myself further.  There is no way I can say everything I want to say right now, so throw me a bone and await future posts.  Thanks guys!

p.s. - Sorry for the messed up formatting in the paragraphs above.  I'm still trying to figure this blogging stuff out.

Jonah and the Tree?

This dramatic icon of Jonah the Prophet was painted by Nicholas Papas and can be purchased at Come & See Icons here

Yes, I am quite familiar with the story of Jonah the Prophet and I know that one of the most spectacular parts of that story has to do with Jonah in the belly of the whale. (see above icon) One of my favorite pieces of artwork of this story was done by one of my children.  It is a picture of a giant whale, with Jonah sitting in the middle of the beast and with little kid SUPER BIG handwriting it says "Jonah Prays."  That was the first sentence this child ever wrote.    Ok, enough of me and back to our tree theme.

Let's skip to the end of the book of Jonah to chapter 4 (found here) when Jonah gets really ticked off with God for saving the people of Ninevah.  In his anger, Jonah traipses to the outskirts of Ninevah to rest and here's the balance of the text:

And the LORD God prepared a plant and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be shade for his head to deliver him from his misery. So Jonah was very grateful for the plant. 7 But as morning dawned the next day God prepared a worm, and it so damaged the plant that it withered. 8 And it happened, when the sun arose, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat on Jonah’s head, so that he grew faint. Then he wished death for himself, and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.”


9 Then God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?"

And he said, "It is right for me to be angry, even to death!"

10 But the LORD said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. 11 And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?”

I know it says plant, but if the plant was big enough for shade, then perhaps it was tree-like?

At any rate, I think the point to get here is this.  We can't be mad at God for anything.  As Jonah himself says earlier in the chapter when he first expresses his displeasure at God for saving the sinners of Ninevah:

for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. (Jonah 4:2)

It's a very hard thing to love those who we think in our own self-righteousness don't deserve God's love, but here's the thing...God loves EVERYONE whether we like it or not.  This can be a very hard pill to swallow, just ask Jonah, but it something that we need to come to terms with.  Hopefully it doesn't take being swallowed by a whale to get our attention.   

Oh and by the way, today, September 22nd, we remember Jonah the Prophet in the Orthodox Church.  ; )

More from your Love

The Essential Bond

My child, widen thy vision to the dimensions of universal Love, to the dimensions of My Heart.

Limitless Love does not end in man. The entire universe is upheld by My Love. It is the essential bond between all beings, between all things, and the One who gives them life.

Be swept away by the immense tide of limitless Love, by that energy, by that hope with which the whole of nature waits, groaning, to be delivered from the consequences of the fall.

Man reaches upward toward Me. But do not lose sight of My reaching down to man, to all things.

Take a flower in thy hand. Take a stone. Think about them, not from a scientific point of view, but from the point of view of Love. They form a summary of the evolution of the world. They symbolize Love aspiring to its heights and also Love coming to us down the centuries, disclosing itself to us, giving itself to us, coming ever closer to us.

See the Beauty of Love in a blade of grass, in a leaf, in a branch. Make an offering of a scent or a colour. Include thy life in the life of the universe, submitting it to the same divine plan. Think of the mountains and of the sea, of the winds and storms, of wild beasts and of very small animals. All of them have a place in My Heart. Make room for them in thy prayer. That through them it may be guided into wider avenues than that of a piety in which the universe has no part.

Learn to recognize Love's purpose in every creature. I have loved each grain of sand, each tree, each animal. Each one of them represents a reaching upward and a stooping down. Enter into all this and yield thyself to it. Give thanks in the name of nature which cannot speak. Let thy response to limitless Love be reverence as vast as the world.

Dost thou love the sun? Dost thou love the stars? Dost thou love the galaxies? Dost thou give thanks to Me for their creation and their presence? Dost thou enter into Divine Love for all that exists?

Perhaps this is difficult for thee. To love snakes...Even if thou wert bitten by a snake, thou shouldst try to love it at the very moment of its biting thee. Animals are not culpable. They only act in accordance with the needs of their nature. They, too, are the victims of man's original fall. But I do not cease from loving them all.

The stone which is thrown into water causes ever-widening circles to be set in motion. This invisible movement affects all of the molecules of the universe. Thus is it with my limitless Love. My Love is an emotion which spreads to infinity, and unites in essence all that exists.

This mediation is also from the book In Thy Presence by Lev Gillet. SVS Press

The photo is from the Hubble Site. I could spend days there.

A meditation from your only true Lover

But I know thee

My child, thou hast not known what thou art. Thou dost not know thyself yet. By this I mean: thou has not really known thyself as the object of My Love. And, as a result, thou hast not known what thou art in Me, nor all that is potentially in thee.

Wake up from out of thy sleep and from thy bad dreams. Thou seest thyself, in certain moments of truth, only the failures and the defeats, the falls, the defilements, perhaps the crimes. But all this is not thee. That is not thy real 'self', thy deepest 'self'.

Under all that, behind all that, under thy skin and behind all thy transgressions and all thy failings, I Myself see thee.

I see thee and I love thee. It is thy own self that I love. It is not the wrong thou doest-that wrong which one must neither ignore, nor deny, nor extenuate (can black be white?) But underneath, at a greater depth, I see something else, something that is still alive.

The masks that thou dost wear, the disguises with which thou dost clothe thyself, may serve to conceal thee from the eyes of others and even from thine own eyes. But they cannot hide thee from Me. I pursue thee to a greater depth than anyone has ever pursued thee before.

That look - thy look - which is no longer clear and open, and thy feverish, breathless greed for what seems important to thee, all those uncertain contortions, and thy hard and miserly heart - all that, I separate from thee. I cut it away from thee. I cast it far away from thee.

Listen. No one really understands thee. But I understand thee. I could say such splendid, such beautiful things about thee! Of thee I could say them: not of that 'thee' that the power of darkness has so often led astray, but of the 'thee' such as I desired it to be, of the 'thee' who lives in Me, concept and purpose of love, of the 'thee' which could still visibly exist.

Become visibly what thou art in My thought. Be the fulfilled reality of thyself. Allow the powers that I have put in thee to become active.

In no man or woman is there the possibility of any interior beauty or goodness that does not also exist in thee. There is no divine gift whatsoever to which thou mayest not aspire. For thou shalt receive them all if thou lovest with Me and in Me.

Whatever thou mayest have done in the past, I sever thy bonds. And if I sever thy bonds, who can prevent thee from getting up and walking?

This mediation is from the book In Thy Presence by Lev Gillet. SVS Press

I wish I could give a copy of this book to every person I know. If you have a beating heart, this book will speak to it.

We owe no one anything, except to love one another

When someone injures us in whatever way, whether with slanders or with insults, we should think of him as our brother who has been taken hold of by the enemy. He has fallen victim to the enemy. Accordingly we need to have compassion for him and entreat God to have mercy on both on us and on him, and God will help both. If, however, we are filled with anger against him, then the enemy will jump from him to us and make a mockery of us both. A person who condemns others does not love Christ. Our egotism is at fault. This is where condemnation of others stems from. Let me give you a little example.

Let's suppose someone is all alone in the desert. Suddenly he hears a voice crying out in distress in the distance. He follows the sound and is confronted by a horrendous sight: a tiger has grabbed hold of a man and is savaging him with its claws. The man is desperately shouting for help. In a few minutes he will be torn to pieces. What can the person do to help? Can he run to his side? How? It's impossible. Can he shout for help? Who will hear him? There is no one within earshot. Should he perhaps pick up a stone and throw it at the man to finish him off? 'Certainly not!' we would say. But that's exactly what can happen if we don't realize that the other person who is acting badly towards us has been taken hold of by a tiger, the devil. We fail to realize that when we react to such a person without love it is as if we are throwing stones at his wounds and accordingly we are doing him great harm and the 'tiger' leaps onto us and we do the same as him and worse. What kind of love do we have then for our neighbour and, even more importantly, for God?

This quote is from the beautiful book, Wounded by Love: The Life and Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios. This book tells the story of his life and, in simple, deeply reflected and profoundly wise words, he expounds the Christian faith for today. It can be purchased at Uncut Mountain Supply.

The title of this post is Romans 13:8. If you continue to verse 10, it continues on to say, "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Also a lovely thing to ponder!