4th Century Preaching - Obedience in Marriage, What it Ain't



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This will be the last installation for the month from On Living Simply (which can be purchased here ).  It's a terrific little book with 84 mini sermons in all.  In addition to St. John's sermons on social issues, his Scriptural exegesis' are among the finest to be found in the history of Christianity. I recommend the book The Bible and the Holy Fathers compiled by Johanna Manley and published by SVS Press. It's a little pricey, $60, but well worth it if you love the Scriptures (which we all should!) St. John Chrysostom's commentaries make up a large portion of this book and seamlessly reside next to commentaries from the 20th century. 



St. John is also the author of many prayers and the one responsible for writing a shorter version of the Divine Liturgy (the primary worship service of the Orthodox Church in which the Eucharist is served) that is used during "regular" days in the Orthodox Church.  Needless to say, St. John Chrysostom is a very prominent figure in the Orthodox Church.  He is remembered three times during the year: November 13th, January 27th, and January 30th. 

I thought for the last installment I would return to the topic of marriage and obedience.   I know there are some Christians (and other faiths) that believe that obedience in a marriage is akin to obedience in the military.  In Orthodox Christianity, we adhere to the Scriptural teaching that husband and wife are obedient to each other, and not one barking orders to the other.  Here's what our beloved St. John says from excerpt 72:



When we speak of the wife obeying the husband, we normally think of obedience in military or political terms:  the husband giving orders, and the wife obeying them.  But while this type of obedience may be appropriate in the army, it is ridiculous in the intimate relationship of marriage.  The obedient wife does not wait for orders.  Rather, she tries to discern her husband's needs and feelings, and responds in love.  When she sees her husband is weary, she encourages him to rest; when she sees him agitated, she soothes him; when he is ill, she nurses and comforts him; when he is happy and elated, she shares his joy.  Yet such obedience should not be confined to the wife; the husband should be obedient in the same way.  When she is weary, he should relieve her of her work; when she is sad, he should cherish her, holding her gently in his arms; when she is in good cheer, he should also share her good cheer.  Thus a good marriage is not a matter of one partner obeying the other, but of both partners obeying each other.

That's it for January.  I'm still waffling on February's topic.  I have a few ideas knocking around in my noggin, but if you have any ideas, leave a comment and I'll see if I'm smart enough to tackle it!

 





4th Century Preaching - Advice for Bullies

One of my all time favorite movie quotes comes from A Bronx Tale, a 1993 movie about a young boy who gets involved in the workings of the street life in the Bronx.  I don't remember too many details about the movie, except for this quote.

Is it better to be loved or feared? That's a good question. It's great to be both, but it's very difficult. But if I had my choice, I would rather be feared. Fear lasts longer than love.

Now this quote was from a mobster, not exactly a profession that touts virtuous behaviour, but I have noticed in my almost 41 years of life that this seems to be a common mode of existence for some people.  I've known bosses, neighbors, even "friends" that have embraced this modus operandi.  They would rather be feared than loved, so they bully and threaten which then forces you to walk on eggshells 24/7 hoping not to anger them.   Probably the worst situation for this is in a marriage.  Here's what St. John Chrysostom says in Excerpt 74 from On Living Simply:

Those who treat their servants harshly, instilling fear into them with angry words and threats, may succeed om compelling their servants to work hard; but servants feel no attachment to their masters, and at the first opportunity run away.  How much worse is it for a husband to use angry words and threats to his wife.  Yet many men frequently try to intimidate their wives.  They lift up their voices and shout; they demand instant compliance to their every whim; they even raise their arms to force their wives to submit.  Wives treated in this fashion become no more than sullen servants, acting as their husbands require out of cold fear.  Is this the kind of woman you want?  Does it really satisfy you to have a wife that is petrified of you?  Of course not.  Indulging your ill-temper at the expense of your wife may give some immediate relief to your emotions; but it brings no lasting joy or pleasure.  Yet if you treat your wife as a free woman, respecting her ideas and intuitions, and responding with warmth to her feelings and emotions, then your marriage shall be a limitless source of blessing to you.

You know, you read this and say to yourself...yeah he's right, but then you move onto other things and forget the words.  However, if this was spoken to you, with vocal inflections and facial expressions, how much more powerful are these words?  I wonder how many people stomped out of church after hearing this preached?  And I wonder how many women sighed with relief to know that their situation had not gone unnoticed and were reassured through St. John's words that God cares for their well-being?