Undefining Feminism

Okay, I've had a while to think some of this through.  Actually a few nights ago I woke up at 3 am and had my thoughts all sorted out. However, I kept arguing with myself that I shouldn't get up and write them down because I needed to get back to sleep. I had promised the kids that we would go to the zoo that day and I wanted to be well rested for the outing.  And sure enough, here I am grasping for those cohesive thoughts.

Having said this, I can remember one thing that I was going to say, so maybe I can start and then (hopefully) things will work themselves out.  So, here it goes.

I came to the conclusion that there is no way to define a feminist or a woman and that the popular idea of "defining oneself" is a false one. There are people who feel the need to say they are X, Y or Z. No you're not. You are a human being who likes X, or is Y by birth or Z by deliberate choice because you despise Y but ultimately you are not any of those things.  You are someone, not a list of adjectives whose definitions can be blurred or misunderstood.

Secondly, what I thought it meant to be a woman 20 years ago at the age of 21 is drastically different from what I know it to be now at the age of 41.  So what a 21 year old believes with her limited life experience and a what 41 year old believes with 20 additional years can and should be worlds apart.  There comes a point when one must take off their rose colored glasses instead of upping the prescription.  I think I reached that somewhere in my late 30's. 

And lastly, which sort of ties in with the second point, there seems to already exist certain conditions that one must meet in order to be regarded as a "feminist".  For the same reason I am a registered Independent when it comes to voting, I refuse to be categorized within the constructs of what society has predetermined to a feminist.  I hold certain beliefs  because I have either experienced something personally and know it to be true or have been close to people who have experienced something that really blew away my preconceived notions of what I had thought to be true.  That is what life is about and why we should always be free to change our minds without fear of being called a hypocrite.

With this in mind it is imperative that we avoid demeaning or belittling women whose actions appear contrary to our belief system. We have no idea what it is like to be them.  I am not suggesting that we sit by idly and watch someone self-destruct through addiction or that we not teach our children from our own mistakes.  Nor am I saying we should keep our opinions to ourselves.  There is always room for honest discussion and debate if people are willing to listen and not judge.  But once we start name-calling and casting people into hell, we destroy each other.  One of my biggest pet peeves EVER is when someone I don't know well (or at all!) says to me "You shouldn't feel that way about such-and-such. How can you believe such a thing!"  How do you know how I should feel?  Do you know how I arrived at this juncture and all the extenuating circumstances?  Unless it someone close to the situation that can provide an honest perspective, no celebrity or public figure has the right to assert that my beliefs or feelings about something should be one way or another.   And quite frankly, we shouldn't be turning to pop culture for any sort of advice about anything.  Unfortunately that is all we have and it is in our face.  That's what's next.  The fantasy created by our culture and how it further enslaves women. 

See you soon!

Women Rock. And Don't Let Anyone Try To Convince You Otherwise.

Last November (2010) I dedicated the month to "Women Who Rock".  I wrote about a few women from various periods of history.  There was the smokin', drinkin' nun who rescued children from the Nazi's, Mother Maria Skobtsova, in the 20th century and then there was the 4th century beauty queen turned fearless witness for Christianity St. Katherine.  I also wrote about a famous American woman, who had TWELVE children, but still managed to get various degrees, serve as an advisor to several US presidents, and was an engineer, Lillian Moller Gilbreth.

They rocked. All women rock. If you are a woman and are reading this, you rock. And don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. 

In October, I want to present my case as to what I think true feminist is or should be, and she's no shrinking violet.  However, a real feminist to me is not a woman trying to be like a man.  Let the men do their own thing.  There is a difference between men and women, and it's okay.   My husband is physically stronger than I, and I don't care that I have to go to him to open a jar of pickles.  I don't feel inferior to him because there are things that he can do that I can't.  I know some women have a huge problem with Orthodox Christianity and Roman Catholicism because women are not permitted to hold the office of priest. Quite honestly, I don't have a problem with that.  I have never viewed it as anti-woman or some sort conspiracy to keep women down.  As a matter of fact, the most honored human being in the Orthodox Christian and Roman Catholic Church is A WOMAN!!!!  And, the Virgin Mary was no push-over for sure.  Without the Virgin Mary's un-coerced consent (the Archangel Gabriel did not threaten her to agree to carry a child while being unwed), there is no Messiah entering into the world, hence no crucifixion, no resurrection, and ultimately no salvation.  The fact that women cannot be priests is so minuscule of a matter when you realize that there would be no priesthood in the Church at all if had not been for a woman agreeing to a take on such an enormous responsibility. (Here's the story in case you are unfamiliar with the details. Luke 1:26-56) 

Again, these won't be male-bashing posts.  I am married to a man and I have a son. Obviously, I don't hate men.  And I do believe that men are more "useful" than just for opening the lids of jars. (I chose the word "useful" as a joke.  In reality I find it to be a disgusting word when applied to human beings.)   It is just that I am also the mother of two girls, so it is very important to me to expose the falsities of how American culture portrays women to them and what the reality of the situation is.  I am very very close to banning television in my home for this very reason.   When our culture preaches that the entertainer Madonna opened so many doors for women in regards to expressing their sexuality, I have to honestly counter that by saying (and truly believing!) that she set us back into slavery.  She is a businesswoman, a self-proclaimed "Material Girl", nothing more, nothing less.   Sex sells and she took advantage of that.  From an American capitalist point of view, you could say "Bravo Madonna! Well done! You can now afford to buy and do whatever you like! American dream accomplished!" But from where I sit and observe, women, now more than ever, believe their self worth is based on how much men desire them and they can "get" through manipulation of that desire, a truly heinous and potentially deadly lie.      

See you all in October.

Death, post 5, Death and Mercy

This is the last post on death for the time being.  I have not been exhaustive on the topic by any stretch of the imagination.  As I mentioned in the first few posts there are many different facets to the topic, and I ended up approaching death by explaining what it means as an Orthodox Christian to be "dead to the world" and to live one's life with the end in mind, and the remembrance of death is the vital means to this end.  I gave both the ordinary example of my simple grandfather who lived as a layman (a carpenter by trade) and the extraordinary example of St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco.


Some people may make the argument that living your life with the end in mind is depressing and robs you of everyday joy.  An atheist that does not believe in an afterlife or a Christian that believes that they are already "saved" and hence somehow will avoid judgment may say this I suppose.  But to those of us that believe that our actions (or inactions) actually have eternal consequences, remembering that our lives can end at any given moment (google September 11, 2001 for details) should keep us in check.  Living a self-examined life and continually confessing and changing those areas that fall short of what God asks from us is really the only way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable judgment.  However, the more and more we tie ourselves up with unnecessary cares of this world, the more and more impossible this becomes.  Being dead to the world doesn't mean ignoring all other people and focusing on yourself.  It is forgetting about your own needs, and focusing on the needs of other people.  And what do people need?  The obvious answer is, they need our love, and they need it unconditionally, regardless of whether they believe in our religious or political ideas.  And, I think, that the most important aspect of this love, is mercy and not judgment. 

Fr. Gabriel Cooke of blessed memory once relayed the following story to us one Sunday.  I think this really underscores the Orthodox Christian world view.

Fr. Gabriel had been invited to a pan-Christian event of the greater Phoenix metro area.  Leaders of various Christian denominations gathered together for a general discussion of ideas and the topic of what was to be hoped for at the Last Judgment came up.  One pastor stood up and proclaimed "Justice!  I want justice to be done!"  This announcement brought up great applause and agreement.  After a minute or two, things settled down and Fr. Gabriel stood up and replied "Justice?  Really?  My hope is in mercy.  I will need mercy from God, because it will be in His mercy that I will be saved."  No grand applause for this comment.

Realizing that we are all in need of mercy levels the playing field.  It deflates the ego and self-righteousness dissipates.  However if we occupy ourselves with judging others, with obtaining more and more stuff, or with zombifying our souls with entertainment, there is no time in our self-absorbed lives to give thought to another person. It's a very hard thing and life long struggle to be sure, but this being "dead to the world" is the only way.

Here's a quote from St. Innocent of Alaska, another Orthodox saint of North America.  I highly recommend his biography, St. Innocent, Apostle to America, it reads like a page turning adventure novel. The courage, the determination and above all, the love St. Innocent had for God and His children is almost beyond belief.  Anyhow, St. Innocent said the following: 

 

To deny oneself means to give up one's bad habits; to root out of the heart all that ties us to the world; not to cherish bad thoughts and desires; to suppress every evil thought; to avoid occasions of sin; not to desire or to do anything out of self-love, but to do everything out of love for God. To deny oneself, according to St. Paul means "to be dead to sin. . . but alive to God."

or from Jesus Christ Himself in Matthew 25:31-46:

31 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’


37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’ (emphasis mine)

41 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” 

Death, post 4, Life of the Living Dead

Pretty cool title if I do say so myself.

So this next post is about the saints. Now before anyone gets their proverbial undies in a bunch, let me say one thing.  We are all called to be saints. A saint is someone who is "sanctified" or "holy".  One who is holy is someone who is separated from the ordinary.  Like the sabbath day is a holy day to be separated from the other six, so is a holy person. However, there are human beings who have lived such Christ-like, humble and loving lives that they stand out more than the rest of us "saints".  The saints that are officially recognized by the Church are those whose lives you should look to and emulate.  They made it to the end of their lives, dying to the old Adam, and living like the new Adam, Jesus Christ.  The Orthodox Church bestows them with the title "St. So-and-So".   We have feast days and icons to remember these amazing men, women and children, and their continual intercessions are before the throne of God. (Revelation 5:7-9).     

Now it goes without saying, that there are tens of millions of others who qualify for this honor, however they lived and died without anyone really knowing about them.  My own grandfather was eulogized as "a saint walking among us".  He lived humbly and quietly. He glorified God at all times not only with his mouth, but more importantly with his actions.  He did not spend his life in vain pursuit of money or glory, but kept his eye on the end.  Will there ever be a "St. John of Syracuse" with an icon painted of him?  Probably not.  However, there is no doubt that he lived the life Christ asked him to and that he rests in Paradise.  I remember the day of his death each year because it marks the successful end of a life lived in love and truth, and the day he entered into the life he had been working towards.  My grandfather did not leave me money, real estate or any other item that is deemed as important or having value by this passing and corrupt world.   He left me his example of his life, one lived within the bosom of the Orthodox Christian church, fed by her sacraments and the understanding of the Scriptures as passed down from the other saints through the 2000 years of the Church's life.

Anyhow..back to death. The saints are death-conscious individuals.  They put off the old man, and day by day they become more and more like Christ, fulfilling their "death" in baptism.  And as this happens, the natural result (although people call it supernatural because it is so different from the reality of our present distorted world)  is that they too are able to heal people of sickness, avert disasters and the like.  The following is just a very minuscule example from the modern day life of St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco, who passed into eternal life in 1966. 
  

The miracle-working power and clairvoyance of Saint John were well known in Shanghai. Once, during Bright Week, Saint John came to the Jewish hospital to visit the Orthodox [Christian] patients there. Passing through one ward, he stopped in front of a screen, concealing the bed upon which an elderly Jewish woman lay dying. Her family members were awaiting her death nearby. The Saint raised a cross above the screen and loudly proclaimed: Christ is Risen! upon which the dying woman regained consciousness and asked for water. The Saint approached the nurse and said, the patient wants to drink. The medical staff was stunned by the change which had taken place in one who only moments earlier was dying. Soon the woman recovered and was discharged from the hospital. Such incidents were numerous.

It so happened that Saint John was urgently called to administer Holy Communion to a dying man in the hospital. Having taken the Holy Gifts, the Saint headed there with another clergyman. When they arrived they saw a young man, about 20 years of age, playing on a harmonica. He had already recovered and was to leave the hospital shortly. The Saint called him over saying, I want to give you Holy Communion right now. The young man immediately came up to him, confessed, and received Holy Communion. The amazed clergyman asked Saint John why he did not go to the one dying, but detained himself with an obviously healthy young man. The Saint answered simply, He will die tonight, but the other, who is seriously ill, will live yet many years. That is precisely what came to pass. The Lord manifested similar miracles in Europe and America through His Saint.

This is not unusual.  Just the result of a person who lives in deep humility and with great love for God and every human being. Here's more on St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco.  I also recommend the book Blessed John the Wonderworker, published by St. Herman Press.  A quick google will give you tons of information as well.   To this very day, St. John still prays for those of us still struggling in this life.  The miracles are countless and true. Prayer services are done every Saturday at his tomb where you can have your name and/or the name(s) of those needing God's help read. [click here to do so].  The testimonies to his intercession before God are everywhere by all different kinds of people.  Here is a short podcast (about 20 minutes or so) of one such encounter from the Illumined Heart.
 
Well, that was a long post.  I think I'll do one more post on death and then head on into mercy.  I leave you today with these parting words that were spoken about St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco. I think it really sums up what I have been trying to say.

In these frightening days of general apostasy from God, the Lord has not abandoned his people and has sent them a great intercessor. Standing before the throne of God is a courageous defender of the Church of Christ; a struggler and ascetic according to the tradition of the stylites who took upon themselves the strictest form of self-mortification and, at times, taking upon themselves foolishness for Christ's sake, which exceeds the wisdom of this world; a good and loving pastor who laid down his life for his sheep; a teacher and nurturer of Orthodox youth; a miracle-worker and unmercenary healer; an apostle and missionary; a deep theologian; a beholder of mysteries and a hierarch of universal significance, who unwaveringly followed that which he had promised before God and men in his testimony read during his election to the episcopacy: What greater benefit can one bring to one's neighbor, other than to prepare him for eternal life…

Death, post 3

One of my children entering into the baptismal waters.

Okay I've opted not to talk about baptism.   The purpose of this blog is not to be about "apologetics", and since there are many varying beliefs about baptism within the spectrum of Christianity I really don't feel like getting into it at this point. However, I will say this...the traditional belief held by Orthodox Christians and Roman Catholics is that baptism is not a mere symbol.  It is holy.  It is sober.  It is *grace-filled.  It is entrance into the Church and her life. A person is born again through baptism, becomes dead to the humanity we have inherited in being descendants of Adam and ultimately raised up into the life of divinity in the new Adam, Jesus Christ.  The journey after baptism is narrow and difficult, because the old Adam (with his passions) doesn't give up so easily.  The propensity to break the commandments is still there. However the Church is a place of healing and love, and through her sacraments like confession and partaking of communion, we are aided in our journey to become more and more like Christ.  The Orthodox Church has been preaching this since 33 AD and if you read the lives of the saints from the 1st to the 21st century they all witness to this truth.  It works.  Men and women become more like Christ.  The wonders performed by Christ in the Gospel are also manifested in these people, and then some.  However, it really isn't about the wonders and miracles, it's about the humility and complete love that these people have acquired.  Boundless love.  Love without limits.  Love to the point of complete self-sacrifice, love to the point of death.  That is REAL Christian love. That is the love of Christ.  And it all begins in baptism.

Well for someone who wasn't going to talk about baptism, it looks like I did.  Next post will be about these people, the saints who were all martyrs of one sort or another. (And by martyrs I don't mean people that strap a bomb to their chest and jump onto a bus.  The word martyr has been usurped and perverted.) No, these men and women were dead to the pleasures and deceits of this world and lived their lives with the end in mind, that is, physical death followed by eternal life.  

See you soon!

*a note on grace. Grace, when used in the Orthodox Church, does not mean "good favor". It specifically refers to the actual divine energy of God.  It is an infusion of God's energy through the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Holy Trinity.  Here's an official definition of grace from the book  The Incarnate God, Volume I:

Grace: it is love, the gift of God, which bestows his divinity on us through his energies, in order to make us partakers of divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).  The Fathers of the Church insist on the fact that God bestows his grace, but it is up to man to receive it and make it operative. (page 181) 

Death, post 2

I've been torn as to where to head with death.  Death is so complex and it could be looked at from a number of ways..our death in baptism, the accomplishment of Christ's death, death to the worldly things, the remembrance of death.  Then there are things to say about life after death, judgment at death, grieving at the death of others, praying for the dead.  See?  There's lots and lots of ways to go.

So what to do?  Well wouldn't you know it, the man I am about to quote died 8 years ago today.  The irony was too great to ignore.  The following article was written by Metropolitan Anthony Bloom (here's a very short bio about him from a prior blog post) entitled "Death: Our Way of Life".

Death is the touchstone of our attitude to life.  People who are afraid of death are afraid of life.  It is impossible not to be afraid of life with all its complexity and dangers if one is afraid of death.  This means that to solve the problem of death is not a luxury.  If we are afraid of death we will never be prepared to take ultimate risks; we will spend our life in a cowardly, careful and timid manner.  It is only if we can face death, make sense of it, determine its place and our place in regard to it that we will be able to live in a fearless way and to the fullness of our ability.  Too often we wait until the end of our life to face death, whereas we would have lived quite differently if only we had faced death at the outset.

According to St. John Climacus, one of the essential steps in the transformation of our fallen nature and the acquisition of the virtues is "meleti thanatou", or the remembrance of death.... In fact, Step 6 of his Ladder of Divine Ascent is dedicated to this very practice.  On October 3rd the Church guides us to read this specific chapter from beginning to end, because at the end is the tale of the Blessed Hesychius the Horebite whom we celebrate today.  St. John thought his tale to be the perfect seal on this beneficial chapter dedicated to the remembrance of death, and below I offer the ending portion of this chapter to see why:

"Some inquire and wonder: 'Why, when the remembrance of death is so beneficial to us, has God hidden from us the knowledge of the hour of death?' - not knowing that in this way God wonderfully accomplishes our salvation.  For no one who foreknew his death would at once proceed to baptism or the monastic life; but everyone would spend all his days in iniquities, only on the day of his death, would he approach baptism and repentance.  From long habit, he would become confirmed in vice, and would remain utterly incorrigible.

And I cannot be silent about the story of Hesychius the Horebite.  He passed his life in complete negligence, without paying the least attention to his soul.  Then he became extremely ill, and for an hour he expired.  And when he came to himself, he begged us all to leave him immediately.  And he built up the door of his cell, and he stayed in it for twelve years without ever uttering a word to anyone, and without eating anything but bread and water.  And, always remaining motionless, he was so rapt in spirit at what he had seen in his ecstasy, that he never changed this manner of life but was always as if out of his mind, and silently shed hot tears.  But when he was about to die, we broke open the door and went in, and after many questions, this alone is all we heard from him: 'Forgive me!  No one who has acquired the remembrance of death will ever be able to sin.'  We were amazed to see that one who had before been so negligent was so suddenly transfigured by this blessed change and transformation.  We reverently buried him in the cemetery near the fort, and after some days we looked for his holy relics, but did not find them.  So by Hesychius' true and praiseworthy repentance, the Lord showed us that He accepts those who desire to amend, even after long negligence."

This article was taken from Issue #23 of the zine publication/website Death to the World.    Just a word of warning if you are not familiar with this publication,  it is a little dark at times, but it definitely serves a certain demographic of Orthodox young adults.  I have read a large variety of Orthodox Christian literature, so I know where this fits in and I understand the perspective from which it comes.  However, I could see a person really freaking out if this was their only exposure to Orthodox Christianity.   All in all I really like the publication, but maybe your typical baba (an endearing name for a Slavic grandmother) would take a different route in which she presented her grandchildren the Faith. 

Next up (probably) is baptism and it's meaning in regards to death.

Death, post 1

My great-grandparents at rest at St. Tikhon's Monastery. 

Okay, I made it to August.  I'm not sick or anything, but you just never know.

So why did I pick death?  A few reasons really.

1. Everybody dies.  I read the obits every day and that is the conclusion to which I have arrived.  Old people, young people, people that had been sick, people that had, until their sudden demise, been healthy, wealthy people with large families and homeless people who had not a single person to claim them (only their names were known and no other information).   As they say, the only two unavoidable things in life are "death and taxes", and death is certainly more interesting to talk about than taxes.
2. Over the past 9 months I have known several people (including a child) that have died, so I have had it in my thoughts on a consistent basis.  
3. Christianity, at least traditional Christianity, is all about death.  It is about Christ's death on the cross, and His resurrection.  All of this is proclaimed every Sunday in traditional Christian churches and most especially celebrated on Easter.   Without His death and resurrection, Jesus is just another man with high moral standards.  So to truly call ourselves Christians, then our lives must also be about death.   Baptism, the very first sacrament in a person's life, is the experience where one dies to the old world and rises out of the waters into the new life in Christ. "For as many of you as were baptized into Christ, have put on Christ" to quote St. Paul [Galatians 3:27 ]  However this death doesn't end in baptism. To quote St. Paul again [1 Corinthians 15:31] "...I die daily".  It's the daily renunciation of the crap and falsity that the world has to offer.  Death every day.  When this death is properly lived, it is real life, real living, no fear of physical death.  Read the lives of the saints, they testify to this truth.  Whether it is a saint martyred in the 1st century or 21st century, it is all the same beautiful story that this life of death worked to their salvation. (read the above page about salvation in case this is confusing to you).    
4. Being that Orthodox Christianity has been around for 2000 years, and death is the crux of the faith, there certainly isn't a lack of things written about it. 

And so, we begin. Now don't be superstitious and not read this month's posts because if you read about death it must mean that you'll be hit by a bus tomorrow.  There is NO ROOM for superstition in reality. And, if superstition were for real, then I should be dead by now because the neighborhood black cat has darted in front of my car at least 2 dozen times in the past six years. Actually the dopey cat is the one who should be dead having engaged in such a dangerous activity.

God-willing, I'll see you soon with Post 2.