A Missing Generation in Orthodox Christian America - Unarmed in the World

I'm really struggling with this post and I'm not quite sure how to proceed except to just say what I know to be true and what I experienced.  

I entered college as a naive child and unarmed to face the American college experience.  While I "identified"as an Orthodox Christian, I had very little knowledge as to what that even meant.  Other than a comical encounter with a well-meaning member of Campus Crusade for Christ, and one trip to a local Orthodox Church for Pascha my sophomore year (I showed up late and was there for maybe 15 minutes), that was pretty much it for God in college.    

Without going into the details of my four years, it should suffice to say that I left college deeply wounded.  I made the same choices as many other college kids but for some reason, I seemed to have come up much much worse for the wear than everyone else.  My relationship with my parents was dysfunctional at that point.  My father was trying to make a go of a new business venture and there were so many stressors involved with that.  My mother had her own struggles that interfered with us having a close relationship for many years, so there was no trusting relationship that so many of my other friends seemed to have with their mothers. Nor did I have any older siblings or family members or trusted adults that could help.  I really had not a single person in whom to turn.  My close friends did not understand and their advice was "you shouldn't feel that way." I know they were only trying to be helpful and we all existed on the same plane of maturity, but that common phrase didn't help at all .  Sadly, the end result of all of this was extreme anxiety and feelings of abandonment and isolation.  

I kept trucking along though.  I moved to the big city and got myself busy.  And when I wasn't busy, I depended on music and TV to drown out those incessant thoughts that told me how unworthy of a human being I was. I could not bear silence because those painful memories would rush back to attack. And although I still remained nonreligious, I was in a panicked state that God was now looking for the opportunity to throw me into hell.  Paranoia at its finest.  Thankfully, I was never suicidal although I fully understand how many people could end up in that place. The paralyzing fear of divine judgement from a vengeful and unforgiving deity was so deeply ingrained in me that it wouldn't allow for such thoughts. I did NOT want to die. 

In this distressing spiritual and psychological state, I continued to push onward.  I married and had a child who was brought into the Church because that's what you are supposed to do. I worked full-time until we moved to a place that would allow me to stay at home to raise a family. However, after the initial busyness of the move was over, the thoughts returned and churned over and over and over.  Fear continued to rule my life.  A few months after moving into our new home, I had a difficult and scary miscarriage, and then almost four months later, 9/11. September 11, 2001...the day that forced every human to confront their mortality.  The very thing I had been avoiding for the past ten years.

 

      

    

A Tree Hymn

On Good Friday during Holy Week according to the Orthodox Christian calendar (which usually differs from the Protestant/Roman Catholic Holy week), we have what is called the Burial Service. It is a somber but exquisite service that recalls the final moments of Christ's Crucifixion and his subsequent burial in the tomb. The service begins at the 9th hour (3 pm). (Matt 27:46-56; Mark 15:33-41; Luke 23:44-49; John 19:28-30)

At the end of this service, the priest carries the Gospel book, and the altar servers carry our Lord's body (which is actually a full body icon of Jesus embroidered onto cloth) and place both in a tomb which then resides in the center of the church until we celebrate Christ's resurrection on the third day. This carrying of Jesus' body from the altar (where it is normally kept) to the center of the church reenacts Joseph of Arimathea's taking the Lord's body down from the cross, and placing it in the tomb. This act is recorded in all four gospels. (Matt 27:57-61; Mark 15:42-46; Luke 23:50-56; John 19:38-42)


So while this is occurring, the choir and faithful are ever so gently singing the following:

The noble Joseph,
when he had taken down Thy most pure Body from the tree,
wrapped it in fine linen,
and anointed it with spices,
and placed it in a new tomb.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

The angel came to the myrrh-bearing women at the tomb and said: Myrrh is fitting for the dead,
but Christ has shown Himself a stranger to corruption.

There is so much more that can be said about this, and I will during Holy Week in 2011, but this hymn just perfectly caps this extremely moving service.

The video below is simply a choir practising the hymn, but place this song in your imagination along with sweet smell of incense, the vision of our Lord Jesus in the tomb, multitudes of candles flickering, and the words of Holy Scripture still coursing through your mind. My short description does no justice this event. Most people are moved to tears.

I recommend all Christians of every flavor attend this service. And don't be shy. Sit in the front of the church and sing along with the service book.

Oh, and back to our tree theme. The tree image is used repeatedly throughout the Old and New Testament, with it's ultimate end use as the cross of Christ. We lost paradise through the tree in Eden, but regained it again through the tree used to hang our Saviour on Golgotha.